Next

Notice I didn't say, "Now that we're finished."

What is next? That's the question. Hopefully, your marriage is better than it was 40 days ago. If you really took this dare to heart I can pretty much guarantee it's better - even if it was good before. Better, but not perfect. A marriage, a great one at least, is a process, a journey. So this last 40 days was a great part of the journey. But instead of seeing it merely as a part of the journey, see it as the part that makes everything else that follows it better.

So let's review, but personally. What was the most challenging part of the dare for you? What was the most enjoyable? What part of it had the most profound impact on you and your marriage? (I'd really like you to share some of the answers by comment)

Here are my last dares for you. First, answer those three questions. Look back through the dares again if you need to. But answer those questions and redo those dares, on your own.

Second, don't lose this blog address. Back up and review it again and again. And especially if you ever sense a lack of unity in your marriage or begin to feel distant from your wife, start over and do every single day. You are the man. No one else can make your marriage what it is supposed to be.

God's blessings on your continued efforts to grow into the husband your wife needs you to be!

Day 40 - Love is a Covenant

Where you go, I will go, and where you lodge, I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.
—Ruth 1:16

TODAY’S DARE

Tell your wife that you want to renew your vows but not in a wedding re-do. Set aside some time after the kids have gone to bed or whatever and sit down together and write out a renewal of your vows. And place them in your home. You can print them beautifully and frame them or just put them somewhere that you and your wife will see them regularly. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your wife.

It may be appropriate to make arrangements to formally recite them before a minister. Don't plan a wedding, spend all that money and require your family and friends to come to an event. Just meet with a minister and recommit to one another.

For example, if you've been married many years, restating your vows in front of a minister would have great value. I've had couples do that right in my office with me.

Or if your marriage has had a rough go of it the past few years, that's an even greater reason to formally renew your vows. If your kids have witnessed you trying to kill your marriage, by all means, they should hear you and your wife renew the covenant.


Today is Day 40 - we're officially done. But come back again tomorrow because I have a wrap up message I want to share with you.

Day 39 - Love Endures

Love never fails.
—1 Corinthians 13:8

The world has no idea what true love is anymore. This world's love is based more on lust than anything else. A perverted emotional bond of sexual tension. An ooey-gooey feeling in your stomach. And many of us have let that idea creep into our spirit, too.

Listen, no one falls in love. The problem with falling in love is that if you can fall in, you can fall out. If love is based on sexual tension - well, it should be obvious that's why a lot of marriages fail. We grow into love through a relationship. It is a connection that is made over much time. True love is a decision. True love lasts longer than good looks and is richer than the biggest bank account.

So make a decision today to truly love your wife. And make sure she knows - regardless of what happens tomorrow or 20 years from now, you're not going anywhere.

TODAY’S DARE

Spend time in personal prayer then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your wife. Take the time to do it the old school way - with pen and paper. It will be much more meaningful, as well as romantic. In your letter, tell her why you are committing to this marriage until death and that you have purposed to love her no matter what. Then leave it in a place that she will find it.

Day 38 - Love Fulfills Dreams

Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.
—Psalm 37:4

God designed your wife. He gave her traits and quirks. She has talents and passions that He picked out for her. He was dreaming big dreams for her even before she was born. And He put some of those dreams in her heart as well.

And due to all of those things and a lot more, she has dreams.

How long has it been since you asked her about her dreams? Man, this love dare doesn't quit messing with you, does it? Then let's fix it, beginning today.

TODAY’S DARE

Begin making your wife's dreams come true. First, ask yourself what your wife would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of her desires, to whatever level you possibly can.

Later today, ask your wife about her dreams. What does she dream of for her life? Finish school? An addition to the house? Opportunity to truly enjoy her favorite hobby? Some women have a martyr complex and will tell you they just want everyone else to be happy. If that's your wife then you'll have to prod a little harder with the questions to get to the answer. Once you do get a few dreams out of her, let her know they are also important to you. Even if you could care less about them on the surface, they matter deeply to you because they are her dreams! Then tell her you want to begin praying about them with her and developing a plan to help her realize her dreams!

Day 37 - Love Agrees in Prayer

If two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father.
—Matthew 18:19

I love the fact that He chose that number. If Jesus had said it takes 3, then I would always need someone else to help me and Dava pray. But since we are 1, we've already got 2. So in our marriage we already have enough to agree in prayer. When the kids were sick, when we were struggling financially, when we felt all alone, when we were facing anything of uncertainty, our prayers were enough!

Think about it. What power, right there in your marriage! You and your wife have prayer agreement power. For whatever you're facing, you, her, your kids, your parents, your friends, your finances, your health, whatever. Take advantage of it. What is your greatest need as a couple, or a family? Agree together right now for God to handle it His way and in His time.


TODAY’S DARE

Ask your wife if you can share a devotion with her tonight before you you both go to sleep. (If that won't work due to your schedules plan it for earlier in the day) Then read the scripture and comments above in today's blog to her.

Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together. Talk about the best time to do this, whether it’s in the morning, your lunch hour, or before bedtime. Use this time to commit your concerns, disagreements, and needs before the Lord. Don’t forget to thank Him for His provision and blessing. Even if your spouse refuses to do this, resolve to spend this daily time in prayer yourself.

Day 36 - Love is God's Word

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
—Psalm 119:105

OK, so how is your devotional life? Reading these dares every day is really not enough. But sadly, the above verse is the only scripture some of those reading this will read today.

Just a few more days and these emails will be gone. Then who is going to help you build a better marriage? You need all the help you can get because your enemy is working overtime trying to destroy it. So open the best marriage guidebook ever written: God's Word. You'll become a better husband, father, friend, boss, co-worker, whatever by becoming a better child of God.

You can start by reading the suggested devotionals on the blog I write for the whole church. You can find it at http://church2911.blogspot.com/


TODAY’S DARE

Commit to reading the Bible every day. Download an app to your smart phone. I use youversion's Bible app. It even has an audio reader so you can listen going down the road. Find a devotional book or other resource that will give you some guidance. If your spouse is open to it, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock. If this is the first time for you, start with the book of John.

Day 35 - Love Is Accountable

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.
—Proverbs 15:22 NIV

Who are you accountable to? We have this crazy idea that when we turn 18 or 21, all of a sudden we don't need anyone else. Our parents have been stupid since we were 14 or 15 anyway. And our high school teachers just didn't get it. No one has any wisdom, any experience, anything they can help us with. So we wander around blindly, stumbling over ourselves, sticking both feet in our mouths on a daily basis, compounding mistakes on top of mistakes.

I hope I didn't just describe your marriage. Why do we leave so many impoortant things in our life to chance? That's exactly what you're doing if you're working it all out on your own, building a marriage through trial and error. You need someone in your life that you trust. Someone that has been married longer than you. Someone who has made a lot of the mistakes you want to do without.

And your wife needs you to have such a mentor. She needs you to have someone in your life that you feel close enough to that you will let them be brutally honest. So the next time you don't realize you hurt her feelings, or you tell an embarrassing story about her, or talk down to her, or treat her in any way other than the way you're supposed to treat her - like Jesus treated His church - he can tactfully tell you.


TODAY’S DARE

Find a marriage mentor—someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. But you have to make sure he feels an open door with you. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.

If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment.

Day 34 - Love Celebrates Godliness

[Love] does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.
—1 Corinthians 13:6

Have you ever rejoiced in something bad happening for your wife? Of course not, you say? Then you must be more holy than me. I'm being honest and open with you today.

There have been times I wanted my wife to do something in a different way. My way was better. She was going to break something or lose money if she did it her way. Sometimes when she insisted on doing it her way and it did fail, there was a little bit of satisfaction because now she will know I was right and she was wro...

Wait. Is that really what I want to rejoice over, her failure? Think about that in spiritual terms. We should never be happy over failure.

It takes a lot of swallowing of a man's pride to do it but we should never be happy when our wives fail, even if it means we are right. And we should always be happy when good things happen to our wives, even when it means we were wrong.


TODAY’S DARE

Find a specific, recent example when your wife demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way. Verbally commend them for this at some point today. And be on watch for it from now on.

And if you remember a time you somewhat enjoyed a failure of hers, tell her about it and ask her to forgive you.

Day 33 - Love Completes Each Other

If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?
—Ecclesiastes 4:11

Want to hear one of my pet peeves? It's when someone misquotes the verse about God creating Eve for Adam. You know, where God says He will make a help ____ for Adam. Know what the word is? Is it "mate" as in help-mate? No doubt you've heard that before.

But it's wrong! The word is not mate but meet. We don't use the word very often but it means fitting or proper. The meaning of that verse is that God was going to create a woman that fit the man He had already created. He was making two people who properly fit each other.

So this notion that we complete one another was not just a sweet saying that came from the flower child movement of the 60's. It was God's plan all along, all the way back to the day He created us. It's why opposites attract. God put something inside all of us that is attracted to our opposite so that they would complete us.

It sometimes seems difficult living with someone so different than ourselves. But imagine for a minute how difficult it would really be if your wife was exactly like you. Who would clean up your mess? Who would remember the kids, you know, those little people that live in your house?

And it goes much deeper than just a few funny quips. No matter who you are, your opposite is the one who will check you on your decisions, see what you totally overlooked, and love to handle what you absolutely despise to do.


TODAY’S DARE

Recognize that your wife is integral to your future success. Let her know today that you desire to include her in your upcoming decisions, and that you need her perspective and counsel. If you have ignored her input in the past, admit your oversight and ask her to forgive you.

And thank God for her. Who knows what your home would look like or where those little people would be without her?

Day 32 - Love Meets Sexual Needs

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
—1 Corinthians 7:3

Looks like this dare is the one we guys have been waiting for!

But read the verse again. The first part. No problem, huh? We love to fulfill our...oh, wait a minute. Our duty? What does that mean? I don't want to be crude, far from it. But most men think their duty is to simply to show up in bed ready.

But we've been turning everything else on it's head this month so let's not leave out your sex life. Let me ask a question. Is your sex life satisfying? For your wife? Remember, this love dare is about focusing on the OTHER person in your marriage.

How about this for a challenge: if you were to ask your wife if she is satisfied with your sex life, what would she say? And what should you be doing about it?


TODAY’S DARE

If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your wife today. IF POSSIBLE - don't push it today if it would be better to wait.

But today, have a different focus for sex. Initiate it in a way that honors what your wife has told you (or even implied to you) about what she needs from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.

Day 31 - Love and Marriage

A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
—Genesis 2:24

There are a couple ways to read that verse. One is to see something in that verse that sounds kind of automatic, like God will just cause it to happen for you. You leave home and your are joined to your wife. He makes the marriage for you.

Another way is to take it matter-of-factly, that you leave your parents and join up with a wife. No big deal. But that's dangerous! Because with that attitude you could just as easily leave her and join up with another.

But what did it really mean? When Jesus quoted that verse several thousand years later, the apostle Mark remembered Him using the word 'proskollao' to describe the way a husband and wife are joined to each other. The word means to cleave. It is not simply an act of God, there is something for you, the husband to do. You are to cleave to your wife. He doesn't say that your wife does it - Jesus said the husband shall leave home and cleave to his wife.

That means it isn't a matter of fact. You have to make it happen. More than your wife, you are responsible for the unity of the marriage. You have to cleave. And you have to remove any thoughts, any possibilities that you will ever leave. And the more you do that, the more your wife will cleave to you!


TODAY’S DARE

Is there a “leaving” issue you haven’t been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your wife today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to her and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

Day 30 - Love Brings Unity

Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.
—John 17:11

How many decisions do you make in a day? How many opinions do you have in a day? How many questions do you answer?

Every single one of those is an opportunity to have a disagreement with your wife! No wonder some people fight all the time. They have so many oportunities it's just easier to fight than not.

But those are also opportunities to grow closer to one another. Anything that has the potential to tear you down will make you stronger if you endure it.

So you have to decide. Do you want to fight or do you want to grow closer? Love has already decided. Love wants to grow closer and looks for those opportunities to do so. That's a lot of what this whole 40 day dare is about. Let's pay attention to all the opportunities we have daily to grow closer and stronger.


TODAY’S DARE

Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your wife. Pray that He would do the same for her. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

Day 29 - Love's Motivation

Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men. —Ephesians 6:7

The following is a poem attributed to Mother Teresa:

“People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.”

Our true motivation has to be the love that God has already given to us. Love that we didn't deserve either. Love that we also ignored or took for granted. But He gave it anyway. And because of His love that we have received, He expects us to love others, not based on their worthiness, but on His love. And it should begin with the wife you promised to love above all other people in this world.

TODAY’S DARE

Before you see your wife again today, pray for her by name and for her needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say “I love you,” then express love to her in some tangible way. Go to God in prayer again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person—unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

Day 28 - Love Makes Sacrifices

He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers.
—1 John 3:16

What's important to you? Whatever you are willing to sacrifice for, that's what's important to you. You know, when you have a slammed full schedule but you will make time for - - - - You fill in the blank and that's what's important to you.

If your wife is consistently 2nd or 3rd place in your life (or lower) you can't say she is most important. But she is supposed to be.

How long has it been since you delayed buying that toy you have been saving for so she could have something she wants, something for the house that's important to her, or that bit of financial security? For example, most wives don't want a vacation if their husband doesn't have life insurance.

How long has it been since you willingly dropped something important to you from your schedule to do something for your wife? Not because she badgered you but because you wanted to do it. Because she is more important than anything else on your schedule. And not something that is important to both of you. It only counts if it is something you really didn't want, don't like to do, is totally out of character for you. Otherwise, it wasn't a sacrifice.

Sacrifice - something important to you - dropped for something important to her.


TODAY’S DARE

What is one of the greatest needs in your wife's life right now? Is there a need you could lift from her shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part? Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

Day 27 - Love Encourages

Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You.
—Psalm 25:20

I say to-MAY-to, you say to-MAH-to.

First of all, the purpose of relationship and of marriage is to enjoy being together, growing closer - not finding ways to argue. But in some marriages that's all they do. They don't just argue over their differences. Every day they look for things to argue about.

Secondly, remember that the differences are probably what drew you to each other in the first place. I know, it was cute stuff way back then. But this is different. you say. Did you really think those cute things were the only differences? Face it. You see things and think about things differently. You're going to act differently.

But no one wants to be lectured...or talked down to...or told they are wrong several times a day...every day...of the week...that they live with you. How long would it take for you to get your fill of it? Well, guess what? Yep, she's the same way.

Love encourages. Love looks for good in others. Love is a cheerleader. Does that describe you? If not, decide today to make a change. When she makes a mistake, give her a place to hide, not be told how bad she failed. Make sure she knows you believe in her. Become the encourager your wife so desperately needs you to be.


TODAY’S DARE

Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your wife has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell her you’re sorry for being so hard on her about it. Promise her you’ll seek to understand, and assure her of your unconditional love.

Day 26 - Love is Responsible

When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things.
—Romans 2:1

Today may not be the most fun of all the dares. But it might be the most rewarding yet.

Today's dare is kind of like visiting a nursing home. Have you ever been? Not my favorite place to go and it's not really my gift or my passion. But sometimes duty calls and I have to show up. But even though I normally arrive wishing I was ministering somewhere else, I have never, ever left sorry that I went!

Just like repentance. It isn't fun. Not my favorite place to spend a little time. It's not a place I am passionate about going to. But because we have to be responsible, adult, and THE man of our household, when it's time to go, we must show up. But I can also tell you that I have never, ever walked away from an altar of repentance, or a meeting to reconcile, or a phone call to apologize, or a time of restitution - well, you get the idea. I have never straightened out a wrong and been sorry that I did. Ever.

And how many wrongs do I still owe apologies for to my wife? Name three of them right now. Look back, way back. Look deep, real deep. Find three. And do the dare.


TODAY’S DARE

Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing in your marriage, your relationship with your wife. Ask for God’s forgiveness.

Then humble yourself enough to admit them to her. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask her for forgiveness. And no matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism or cynicism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

Day 25 - Love Forgives

What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ.
—2 Corinthians 2:10

What a horrible prison unforgiveness is! Men who hold things from the past over their wife's head are tyrants, ogres. I pray that none of you are doing so.

A big part of a relationship is forgiveness. And as the person responsible more for how well the relationship goes, we men need to be forgivers. How would you like to live every day, every moment thinking your wife might bring up something from your past? That's a pretty dark prison to serve a life sentence in.

But the prison isn't just holding your wife. If you are harboring unforgiveness, it's holding you, too. Remember that as we ask God to “forgive us our debts” each day, Jesus taught that we must ask for forgiveness based on how we forgive others. Ouch! And that just doesn't go for your wife. It means for anyone who has wronged you. But no one deserves and needs it more than the person who lives with your imperfections every day.


TODAY’S DARE

Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your wife, forgive it today. It may be something huge that she knows you have stuck in your craw. Or it may be something small you are hanging onto secretly. Let it go. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your wife in prison too long. Say in your heart, “I choose to forgive.” And if she knows you are holding it, and if you have been a jerk about it in the past, you need to say it out loud to her as well. And then ask her to forgive you for being a jerk.

Day 24 - Love vs. Lust

The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.
—1 John 2:17

Love can last forever when it is cherished and nurtured. Love is of God and He is eternal.

But lust is fickle. Feeding lust doesn't fulfill it but makes it hungrier. It is never satisfied. It is always looking for something new to fill its appetite. Lust divides a man from his wife quicker than anything else I can think of - because lust only takes a moment to conceive!

Any man who has ever succumbed to lust can tell you that it does not build up but it destroys. It will never leave you feeling better, fulfilled or more of a man. Lust has left many men in its wake feeling like a failure, empty, wondering what it will take to satisfy that uncontrollable physical desire.

And any woman married to a man with lust in his heart will tell you that it destroys their intimacy, brings a brutal type of secret pain to her, leaving her feeling degraded and abused.


TODAY’S DARE

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Repent over it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live, not even in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed — today — and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love for your wife.

Day 23 - Love Always Protects

[Love] always protects.
—1 Corinthians 13:7

Funny episode of All in the Family on tv last night. I don't recall ever seeing it before, or ever seeing Mike treat Gloria with such callousness. It was a stretch of his character to say the least so I knew they were setting something up. He insisted a food allergy was all in her head. He was so adamant about it that he forced her to eat the food. He was so sure he was right he was willing to put her in danger.

We'd never do that. We'd never insist, demand or require anything that wouldn't be the absolute best for our wives. Would we?

How about allow? Would we allow anything into our marriage, on our tv or computer or in our home that wouldn't protect her?

As priest of the home you're in charge of protecting a lot more than the life of your wife. You must protect her honor, her heart, her security, her confidence, her spirituality, her reputation - yes, even a married woman needs to have her reputation protected by her husband.

TODAY’S DARE

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship. Remove any addiction before it destroys your intimacy. Remove any influence that’s stealing your affections and turning your heart away from her or that would draw her away from you. Protect her from losing you. Be her champion.

Day 22 - Love is Faithful

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord.
—Hosea 2:20

Anyone can adore a person who adores them, or lavishes praise on them, or blesses them continually with gifts, etc. But love is a choice, not a feeling, not an emotion, not a moment. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. That's why Godly love is the greatest, deepest, longest. It is bigger than a bad day. It is deeper than the goosebumps we felt when we were mere kids "in love." It lasts longer than your hairline or her thin waistline.

We shared a lot about this in the marriage series we did at 29:11 in the Fall of 2010. To wrap it up in a short thought, this kind of love is the basis for everything else in a great marriage. When you love faithfully, unconditionally, then your wife is secure in your relationship. She has no need to fear you will ever leave her. She has no need to be insecure around younger women. Even sex is better because people who are totally committed to one another can give themselves without reservation.

So today, examine your "love" for your wife. Look deep down. If you only show love to her on the days she is sweet to you, you're not showing love, you're paying her back for being sweet. If you only show her love when you want something, same thing - it's a payment on credit, hoping she will respond favorably to your request. So today's dare is two-fold.

TODAY’S DARE

1. Choose today to be committed to love your wife even if she has lost most of her interest in receiving it. Say to her today in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”

2. Prepare today for her next bad day. Whatever the cause - stress, kids, job, finances - be looking for it. That's the day she needs your love the most. And it's the day you most need to show it. Even is she's in such a bad mood she cuts you off, still show her love through an understanding, maybe even silent response to her rejection. These days are our greatest opportunity to build a great marriage. But too often, when our wives have a bad day and take it out on us, we react with a knee-jerk and give it right back to them. Not the next time. Decide today and be ready for it!

Day 21 - Love is Satisfied in God

The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.
—Isaiah 58:11

Turning the corner now and heading into the second half of the 40 days. The first 3 weeks were probably things you expected. But thrown in, a little here and there, were some things that may have seemed random - like today's dare - and there will be several more over the next 3 weeks.

At first glance you may think these random dares have nothing to do with being a better husband. I mean, today's is about reading the Bible and praying. Some of you may be thinking, "I need help with my marriage, not with my devotional life."

Imagine you take your car to a mechanic for an oil change and he tells you your transmission just fell out when you turned into his lot. It would be stupid for you to say, "Don't worry me with that - just change my oil!" Old oil isn't your problem. And that's how stupid it is for us to ask God to only help us with our marriage because we don't have time for Him. You'll never be satisified in your marriage (or any otehr part of your life) until you are satisfied in God.

But remember this: God created marriage. Ding! I hope the light bulb came on over your head and you already realize what I am about to say. The only way you'll ever have a great marriage is for you and your wife to become a great man and a great woman of God. You cannot build a great marriage on a poor relationship with Him. He created marriage, designed it, sustains it, and we should definitely say He wrote the book on it! And the book He wrote is the most important one ever written on marriage. So begin reading it more - and asking Him for understanding.

TODAY’S DARE

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day. There are thirty-one—a full month’s supply. And they are full of nuggest of wisdom. Or begin reading a half chapter each day from the book of John, probably the best of the four Gospels as far as just explaining the life of Jesus here on the earth.

As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

Day 20 - Love is Jesus Christ

While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
—Romans 5:6

You are officially half way through the 40 Day Love Dare! Well, once you complete today that is. What have you noticed so far about yourself? Have you learned anything about how your wife reacts to you and why? Let me encourage you to continue strong for two reasons. First, it takes 30 days to create a habit. If you'll hang in here with me, by day 40 you'll have a new set of habits. Second, the returns are more exponential than additional. What I mean is you're going to see the greatest impact in the last weeks than the first. So whatever you've noticed so far is only the beginning. Don't give up, don't even slow down!

Today's focus is an acknowledgement that Jesus doesn't just help me love others, including my wife (like we saw yesterday). It is even more than that - Jesus IS love! He is the definition of love. Like we used to say, look up love in the dictionary and His picture is there.

So what you really want to do for a better marriage is draw Him more into it. And the best way to do that is start from the beginning. Or restart from the beginning.

TODAY’S DARE

Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for your marriage, to make you a better husband, a better man, a better friend. Dare to trust Him for your personal salvation.

It's easy. If you've never trusted Him as your savior all you need to do is dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”

Day 19 - Love is Impossible

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
—1 John 4:7

You really can't do it right without God's help.

If you're doing the daily dares, really following through, then I have no doubt you are making progress. And I know God is helping you. But you haven't seen anything yet.

See, while you're just doing normal stuff, you are opening the door for God to do amazing! Him helping you love your wife better is just the beginning. I know, some of it still hasn't been easy, but it's just normal relationship building. The real kicker is what will happen when God observes a true selflessness in you and anoints your normal into supernormal.

That's today's focus. Some of you may have seen it already. Some of you are still working on the proper attitude behind going through with the dares. And some of you don't even realize it's already there. Look for it the next few days. See if God isn't already at work in your heart, in your wife's heart and in your marriage.

TODAY’S DARE

Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? How is your attitude? Are you just doing the dares but your attitude is still fouling it up?

Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? ...at all time? ...in all situations? ...regardless of how much love you feel coming back?

Ask God to help you with your attitude. Ask Him to anoint your normal so that it becomes supernormal in your marriage. And ask him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination and make sure your wife's is settled as well.

Day 18 - Love Seeks to Understand

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.
—Proverbs 3:13

I believe there are two kinds of people when it comes to "understanding." First, there are those who will never have a lot of it. They don't take the time to gain understanding. Instead of paying attention, listening, watching, they are interrupting to ask what you mean. When that happens to me I want to yell, "Open your ears and close your mouth and you will understand!" And they never really understand because they don't have the desire to. They just want to know enough to get by and they don't want to have to work for even that much. They want you to tell them what you have learned.

Women hate that. They don't want to have to tell us what's going on in their mind or in their heart. They want us to care enough to slow down and pay attention. They feel like they have already told us hundreds of times what they think, what they need, what they hope.

And that's the second class of people when it comes to understanding. Those who take time to study, to analyze, observe, research, explore, to pay attention and gain understanding! People with higher IQs are almost always in this second group. Why? Because they are ever learning, not interrupting the opportunities to gain understanding, not simply wanting to know enough to get by, not content for someone else to learn for them. And those who do the same in the marriage have a higher HQ (happiness quotient).

Imagine this and try it if you can: Become a student of your wife. Ananlyze her, how she thinks. Observe her as she goes through her day and does her life's work. Research her - you heard me, research. Research her past, things that were important to her as a child, as a young lady. All those things you should know about her, her family, school, favorite subjects, music, first car, anything you can learn about her. And explore her. The difference in researching and exploring is that exploration is done in present time. And it is hands on, full involvement, not watching from a distance, not simply reading a book. Get involved in your wife's life and learn what makes her tick, what makes her happy, what makes her sad, and so on. Yes, I am saying you simply need to begin to pay attention, again, like you did when you first met.

The next time your relationship hits a little pothole, you'll better understand why she reacts the way she does.

TODAY’S DARE

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. What does she like? The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your wife better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and for her.

Day 17 - Love Promotes Intimacy

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
—Proverbs 17:9 NIV

Can you be trusted? With a juicy secret? I don't have one to share, I just want to know so that if you can't, I won't confide in you. I am amazed at those who confide in friends that they know are blabbermouths. I have friends, even friends in ministry, that I am very guarded with what I tell. Some people just want others to know that they know. And I don't care to listen to gossip either. You know what I've learned? He who gossips to you will gossip of you.

So if you're prone to listening to a gossip, chances are that you are that same gossip's subject when you're not around. It's kind of like "what goes around, comes around."

And relate that to your marriage. I am sure you have some funny and embarassing things you could tell about your wife, and some seriously damaging stories as well. But before you start blabbing secrets, don't forget - she has a lot on you, too, bud!

But the main reason to protect your wife's secrets is that you're protecting her! Don't you want her to know you're her protector? But if you ever once divulge a secret, she will no longer feel safe to share anything with you again. It will destroy your intimacy. Intimacy isn't just sex. Great sex stems from it but intimacy is much more, much deeper. It is having a close, private relationship with another person. And when you break confidence then the relationship is no longer private. Intimacy in your relationship is no more.

TODAY’S DARE

Beginning today, determine to guard your wife’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to her or to you or your kids). And determine to pray for her about them. Every time you talk with her, do so with tenderness and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of any issues. Really listen when she shares personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make sure she feels unquestionably safe. Protect your intimacy.

Day 16 - Love Intercedes

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.
—3 John 2

The apostle John is teaching us to pray for one another. Doesn't that mean we should also pray for our wives?

Paul tells us that, as husbands, we are to love our wives as Jesus loved His church. We often relate that to how Jesus died for the church. But He did a lot more than that. He also lived for the church. Everything He did was for us. Can we say that about our own marriages yet?

Another thing He did was to pray for His church. He prayed for it before it even existed. He prayed to His Father that the church would have the power it needed to be witnesses and overcome anything in its path.

So we, too, should pray for our wives. Pray for her to have the power and strength she needs to be the woman of God He wants her to be; to overcome anything in her path; to deal with anything she faces; and to have the grace to live with you and your faults. Make today a day of prayer for her. And don't let it end today. Become the priest of your home lke you're supposed to be.


TODAY’S DARE

Begin praying today for your wife’s heart, her spirit. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in her life and in your marriage.

And let her know you are praying for her today. Whisper it, text it, several times today. But make sure she knows the priest of her home is praying for her!