Day 15 - Love is Honorable

Live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
—1 Peter 3:7

An understanding way. Live with your wife in an understanding way. That's a lot of what needs to change in our relationships. Just simply deal with your wife on a level of being understanding. And show her honor.

Try to understand what she is thinking when she does something the "wrong" way. Perhaps it really isn't wrong but just not the way you'd do it. And too often we feel the need to "coach" our wives, help them see our way is really the best way. That kind of talking down to her or even worse, lecturing her, is not showing her honor as a fellow heir, or in other words, not respecting her as an equal in the eyes of God.

Peyton Manning, Michael Vick, Ben Roethlisberger - different styles of quarterback. Which is the wrong style? Trick question. They all have a great style and ability to win games. Any head coach who tried to change their style would be considered crazy. And they wouldn't be appreciated by the player they were trying to "help" either. It would be dishonoring to their gifts, their abilities.

It's kind of the same thing with our wives. You like to clean the kitchen as you go, she likes to just get dinner prepared and worry with the dishes all at once. You like to put the kids' socks on before their pants, but she thinks pants first is best. And even one of my pet peeves, whether the toilet paper should roll off the top or underneath the roll (is there any question?)

Who's wrong? No one. When you get that, really get that, your wife will begin to see you as a much more understanding husband.

TODAY’S DARE

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your wife today that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be reversing the roles by putting her clothes away, or something else she normally does for you. It may be doing something "her way" just to show her you respect her ideas about things. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show her that she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

Day 14 - Love Takes Delight

Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life.
—Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB

"Enjoy life..." Some of you workaholics need to read those first two words again and again. Let it be your motto today. ENJOY life.

But all of us need to hear the next three words over and over again: "with the wife." Say it: "with the wife." Think about it - what does that mean? "Enjoy life with the wife"

Remember why you got married? It wasn't so you'd have someone to wash your clothes and cook your meals - or at least I hope it wasn't. Didn't you desire to share your life with the wife?

Then what changed? Whatever changed, it wasn't for the better if you're no longer enjoying life with her. Change it back. Think about what you lost when you got too busy, too important, too popular, too whatever to slow down, cherish her and enjoy life with her. Change that in a big way for today. And begin to change whatever necessary to enjoy life again, with the wife!

TODAY’S DARE

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your wife. Do something she would love to do or a project she’d really like to work on. Just be together.

Day 13 - Love Fights Fair

If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
—Mark 3:25

Do you fight fair? The best way to know isn't by checking the rules of the Geneva Convention. You don't need to call your uncle the lawyer or your granddad the retired police chief. Or your mom, either. Please don't ask her.

How you feel after a "fight" with your spouse, especially when you win, is a good indicator. You know, when you win but feel bad afterward? Something wasn't quite right, was it?

How your wife feels after the same fight is an ever better indicator. You can win the battle and still lose the war because you destroyed your best friend!

But the best indicator is how you feel about each other. Have you ever had a disagreement and felt closer to your wife afterwards? Now that's a marriage that is "fighting" fair! That's what you need to be working toward.

TODAY’S DARE

Talk with your wife about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If she is not ready for this, then do it for yourself, on your own. Write out your personal rules to abide by when the two of you argue. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs. If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

Day 12 - Love Lets the Other Win

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
—Philippians 2:4

Getting the last word. Defending your reasons for your actions because she still doesn't understand. Harping on it one more time because, well, she was just wrong. Having to win.

Marrige killers, every last one of them.

The sad thing is when playing this game, no one wins - everyone loses. But when you let the other win, you both do. Try it. It's an awesome feeling to make someone else the winner.


TODAY’S DARE

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Make sure they know you are putting their choice ahead of your own.

Day 11 - Love Cherishes

Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church
—Ephesians 5:28-29

You know what minor surgery is, don't you? Surgery that someone else is having. If the doctor is cutting on you, no way would you consider it minor. Because it's your body. It's not close to you or around you. It's not something you own. It is YOU.

But so is SHE. When you said I do and God blessed your marriage, He made the two of you one. She is part of you. So if something happens to her it impacts you. If she is struggling, don't get impatient with her, you're supposed to struggle with her!

So today, cherish her. Spend some time thinking about her today. As often as you can, let your mind go to her.


TODAY’S DARE

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.

Day 10 - Love is Unconditional

God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
—Romans 5:8

What does your wife deserve today? I am sure there are some things you wish she wouldn't do. Some things she could do to suit you better. But that's true for you, too. Love is unconditional. That means love does right, good, best no matter what the other person does.

But let's be honest. She lives with you. She deserves a lot just for that.

She probably cooks, cleans, even raises your kids. Picks up after you and most likely does more around the house than you do. She puts up with your stuff, whatever it is, and, if you don't push it too far, will laugh at your jokes and adore you for the rest of your lives together.

TODAY’S DARE

Do something out of the ordinary today for your wife —something that proves (to you and to her) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Again, be careful here. It will be easy to do something that is kinda for her but really is for you. Whatever you decide to do, make it a selfless effort.

Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy her favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to her for the sheer joy of being her partner in marriage.

Day 9 - Love Makes Good Impressions

Greet one another with a kiss of love. —1 Peter 5:14

Have you ever seen the 1980's sitcom Wonder Years? Remember how the dad always entered the house? He stormed in with a huff or a grunt, barely acknowledging anyone else's existence, requiring others to tiptoe around him. Always. He had to be a miserable man to live with.

Have you ever been that man? Too often? Lately? Make a decision. Not today. Or any day the rest of your life. Do you really want to be remembered as a miserable man to live with? For even one day?

Imagine the difference in the atmosphere of your home, in the attitude of your wife if you began again to greet her everyday the way you used to when you were dating?

TODAY’S DARE

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for her.