Day 22 - Love is Faithful

I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord.
—Hosea 2:20

Anyone can adore a person who adores them, or lavishes praise on them, or blesses them continually with gifts, etc. But love is a choice, not a feeling, not an emotion, not a moment. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. That's why Godly love is the greatest, deepest, longest. It is bigger than a bad day. It is deeper than the goosebumps we felt when we were mere kids "in love." It lasts longer than your hairline or her thin waistline.

We shared a lot about this in the marriage series we did at 29:11 in the Fall of 2010. To wrap it up in a short thought, this kind of love is the basis for everything else in a great marriage. When you love faithfully, unconditionally, then your wife is secure in your relationship. She has no need to fear you will ever leave her. She has no need to be insecure around younger women. Even sex is better because people who are totally committed to one another can give themselves without reservation.

So today, examine your "love" for your wife. Look deep down. If you only show love to her on the days she is sweet to you, you're not showing love, you're paying her back for being sweet. If you only show her love when you want something, same thing - it's a payment on credit, hoping she will respond favorably to your request. So today's dare is two-fold.

TODAY’S DARE

1. Choose today to be committed to love your wife even if she has lost most of her interest in receiving it. Say to her today in words similar to these, “I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”

2. Prepare today for her next bad day. Whatever the cause - stress, kids, job, finances - be looking for it. That's the day she needs your love the most. And it's the day you most need to show it. Even is she's in such a bad mood she cuts you off, still show her love through an understanding, maybe even silent response to her rejection. These days are our greatest opportunity to build a great marriage. But too often, when our wives have a bad day and take it out on us, we react with a knee-jerk and give it right back to them. Not the next time. Decide today and be ready for it!

Day 21 - Love is Satisfied in God

The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.
—Isaiah 58:11

Turning the corner now and heading into the second half of the 40 days. The first 3 weeks were probably things you expected. But thrown in, a little here and there, were some things that may have seemed random - like today's dare - and there will be several more over the next 3 weeks.

At first glance you may think these random dares have nothing to do with being a better husband. I mean, today's is about reading the Bible and praying. Some of you may be thinking, "I need help with my marriage, not with my devotional life."

Imagine you take your car to a mechanic for an oil change and he tells you your transmission just fell out when you turned into his lot. It would be stupid for you to say, "Don't worry me with that - just change my oil!" Old oil isn't your problem. And that's how stupid it is for us to ask God to only help us with our marriage because we don't have time for Him. You'll never be satisified in your marriage (or any otehr part of your life) until you are satisfied in God.

But remember this: God created marriage. Ding! I hope the light bulb came on over your head and you already realize what I am about to say. The only way you'll ever have a great marriage is for you and your wife to become a great man and a great woman of God. You cannot build a great marriage on a poor relationship with Him. He created marriage, designed it, sustains it, and we should definitely say He wrote the book on it! And the book He wrote is the most important one ever written on marriage. So begin reading it more - and asking Him for understanding.

TODAY’S DARE

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day. There are thirty-one—a full month’s supply. And they are full of nuggest of wisdom. Or begin reading a half chapter each day from the book of John, probably the best of the four Gospels as far as just explaining the life of Jesus here on the earth.

As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

Day 20 - Love is Jesus Christ

While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
—Romans 5:6

You are officially half way through the 40 Day Love Dare! Well, once you complete today that is. What have you noticed so far about yourself? Have you learned anything about how your wife reacts to you and why? Let me encourage you to continue strong for two reasons. First, it takes 30 days to create a habit. If you'll hang in here with me, by day 40 you'll have a new set of habits. Second, the returns are more exponential than additional. What I mean is you're going to see the greatest impact in the last weeks than the first. So whatever you've noticed so far is only the beginning. Don't give up, don't even slow down!

Today's focus is an acknowledgement that Jesus doesn't just help me love others, including my wife (like we saw yesterday). It is even more than that - Jesus IS love! He is the definition of love. Like we used to say, look up love in the dictionary and His picture is there.

So what you really want to do for a better marriage is draw Him more into it. And the best way to do that is start from the beginning. Or restart from the beginning.

TODAY’S DARE

Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for your marriage, to make you a better husband, a better man, a better friend. Dare to trust Him for your personal salvation.

It's easy. If you've never trusted Him as your savior all you need to do is dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I’m a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace.”

Day 19 - Love is Impossible

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
—1 John 4:7

You really can't do it right without God's help.

If you're doing the daily dares, really following through, then I have no doubt you are making progress. And I know God is helping you. But you haven't seen anything yet.

See, while you're just doing normal stuff, you are opening the door for God to do amazing! Him helping you love your wife better is just the beginning. I know, some of it still hasn't been easy, but it's just normal relationship building. The real kicker is what will happen when God observes a true selflessness in you and anoints your normal into supernormal.

That's today's focus. Some of you may have seen it already. Some of you are still working on the proper attitude behind going through with the dares. And some of you don't even realize it's already there. Look for it the next few days. See if God isn't already at work in your heart, in your wife's heart and in your marriage.

TODAY’S DARE

Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? How is your attitude? Are you just doing the dares but your attitude is still fouling it up?

Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? ...at all time? ...in all situations? ...regardless of how much love you feel coming back?

Ask God to help you with your attitude. Ask Him to anoint your normal so that it becomes supernormal in your marriage. And ask him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination and make sure your wife's is settled as well.

Day 18 - Love Seeks to Understand

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.
—Proverbs 3:13

I believe there are two kinds of people when it comes to "understanding." First, there are those who will never have a lot of it. They don't take the time to gain understanding. Instead of paying attention, listening, watching, they are interrupting to ask what you mean. When that happens to me I want to yell, "Open your ears and close your mouth and you will understand!" And they never really understand because they don't have the desire to. They just want to know enough to get by and they don't want to have to work for even that much. They want you to tell them what you have learned.

Women hate that. They don't want to have to tell us what's going on in their mind or in their heart. They want us to care enough to slow down and pay attention. They feel like they have already told us hundreds of times what they think, what they need, what they hope.

And that's the second class of people when it comes to understanding. Those who take time to study, to analyze, observe, research, explore, to pay attention and gain understanding! People with higher IQs are almost always in this second group. Why? Because they are ever learning, not interrupting the opportunities to gain understanding, not simply wanting to know enough to get by, not content for someone else to learn for them. And those who do the same in the marriage have a higher HQ (happiness quotient).

Imagine this and try it if you can: Become a student of your wife. Ananlyze her, how she thinks. Observe her as she goes through her day and does her life's work. Research her - you heard me, research. Research her past, things that were important to her as a child, as a young lady. All those things you should know about her, her family, school, favorite subjects, music, first car, anything you can learn about her. And explore her. The difference in researching and exploring is that exploration is done in present time. And it is hands on, full involvement, not watching from a distance, not simply reading a book. Get involved in your wife's life and learn what makes her tick, what makes her happy, what makes her sad, and so on. Yes, I am saying you simply need to begin to pay attention, again, like you did when you first met.

The next time your relationship hits a little pothole, you'll better understand why she reacts the way she does.

TODAY’S DARE

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. What does she like? The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your wife better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and for her.

Day 17 - Love Promotes Intimacy

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
—Proverbs 17:9 NIV

Can you be trusted? With a juicy secret? I don't have one to share, I just want to know so that if you can't, I won't confide in you. I am amazed at those who confide in friends that they know are blabbermouths. I have friends, even friends in ministry, that I am very guarded with what I tell. Some people just want others to know that they know. And I don't care to listen to gossip either. You know what I've learned? He who gossips to you will gossip of you.

So if you're prone to listening to a gossip, chances are that you are that same gossip's subject when you're not around. It's kind of like "what goes around, comes around."

And relate that to your marriage. I am sure you have some funny and embarassing things you could tell about your wife, and some seriously damaging stories as well. But before you start blabbing secrets, don't forget - she has a lot on you, too, bud!

But the main reason to protect your wife's secrets is that you're protecting her! Don't you want her to know you're her protector? But if you ever once divulge a secret, she will no longer feel safe to share anything with you again. It will destroy your intimacy. Intimacy isn't just sex. Great sex stems from it but intimacy is much more, much deeper. It is having a close, private relationship with another person. And when you break confidence then the relationship is no longer private. Intimacy in your relationship is no more.

TODAY’S DARE

Beginning today, determine to guard your wife’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to her or to you or your kids). And determine to pray for her about them. Every time you talk with her, do so with tenderness and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of any issues. Really listen when she shares personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make sure she feels unquestionably safe. Protect your intimacy.

Day 16 - Love Intercedes

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.
—3 John 2

The apostle John is teaching us to pray for one another. Doesn't that mean we should also pray for our wives?

Paul tells us that, as husbands, we are to love our wives as Jesus loved His church. We often relate that to how Jesus died for the church. But He did a lot more than that. He also lived for the church. Everything He did was for us. Can we say that about our own marriages yet?

Another thing He did was to pray for His church. He prayed for it before it even existed. He prayed to His Father that the church would have the power it needed to be witnesses and overcome anything in its path.

So we, too, should pray for our wives. Pray for her to have the power and strength she needs to be the woman of God He wants her to be; to overcome anything in her path; to deal with anything she faces; and to have the grace to live with you and your faults. Make today a day of prayer for her. And don't let it end today. Become the priest of your home lke you're supposed to be.


TODAY’S DARE

Begin praying today for your wife’s heart, her spirit. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in her life and in your marriage.

And let her know you are praying for her today. Whisper it, text it, several times today. But make sure she knows the priest of her home is praying for her!